Lost

Today is one of those days that I feel like the worst mother in the world. I lost Reagan today at Kohles. It was horrible. WE had gone to meet her new preschool teacher (we are giving it another shot at a different school) and then we went to this park that Reagan loves so much. Since the park is right by Kohles I decided to run in and check to see if they had any tennis shoes for Reagan. I put Brody in the Baby Bjorn on me and put Reagan and a bag of goldfish in the cart. Usually a snack will keep her occupied just long enough to do what I need to and then she is ready to get out. Well the carts at Kohls are kind of like strollers, not regular shopping carts and I literally turned around to check for her size in the shoe I was looking at and when I turned back she was already gone. No biggie so far...she likes to hide under the clothes racks but usually she stays pretty close so I started looking for her. I am calling her name being a little silly, saying things like "Ok well mommy is leaving you now" to which she usually comes running saying "Nooooo" but this time I get nothing. I can feel my heart beating faster as I walk back and forth calling her name wondering where in the heck she has managed to run off to. She couldnt have gone that far.
A nice lady obviously can see the panic in my eyes and asks if I need some help. I tell her I cant find my daughter and explain what she is wearing, what her name is, and what she looks like. At this point I have tears streaming down my face because over 5 minutes have gone by and I cant find her. Several other nice women (who were shoppers) start coming over to me and asking if I have let the manager know so they can announce it over the loud speaker and asking questions trying to help. I am on the verge of being hysterical when I hear someone say "There she is." I walk around the corner and there is Reagan with a huge smile on her face with two glittery pink purses on her arm. She looks at me and says "Purse mommy." I walk over to her and literally sit down in the middle of Kohls and start sobbing as I am holding Reagan in my arms. I couldnt even speak, I couldnt even get mad at her or explain to her that she cant run away from me like that, all I could do was cry and hold her. After a few minutes of regaining my composure Reagan puts her hand on my face and says "Mommy cry, sorry."
It was an awful outing and I cant even think about it without tearing up. I dont know that I have ever been so scared. I think for a while, I will save the things I need to do like that for days when I have a babysitter. Thank goodness everything was alright.