In a Funk

It's 11pm Sunday night and I cannot sleep...usually sleep comes very easily for me as I am pretty much exhausted all the time after chasing around my two rugrats, but not tonight. My mind is racing with a million thoughts, some are justifiable but others are silly things that I have no control over. I have just kind of been in a funk lately and I am not really sure why. I find myself worrying a lot... most of the time about things I cant control or that don't really warrant worrying. I guess I am just a worrier (if that is even a word). Mostly its things about my kids, and sometimes, most of the time, I worry for a minute and then move on with my day but lately I have been harping on things for days, only to make myself all upset when there isn't really anything I can do about it.

I am constantly setting this standard for myself that is just unrealistic and I am constantly having to remind myself that I cant be everything to everyone and do everything. I wish I could. I wish I was one of those women that could do it all but unfortunately I fall short, almost all of the time, and I know that's ok but I cant seem to give myself a break for it.

Being a mom is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life... I cannot imagine doing anything else, but it is also the hardest thing I have ever done. I guess maybe because this is all I have ever wanted to do I feel like its my responsibility to be the best that I can be.... and although I think I do a pretty good job I cant help but worry that I will fail my children in some way. That I wont teach them the proper skills to be successful in this harsh world they are growing up in. I think I just get overwhelmed by the big picture, that what I do with these precious angels everyday with mold and shape the people that they become... and that's huge...so huge that it scares me and then I worry...and this vicious cycle starts over and over and over again in my head.

No wonder I cant sleep....